got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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