She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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