I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
