That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
