$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
