Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
