i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
