Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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