I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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