How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
