just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
