dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She told me I should be a condom model.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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