Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i now understand why vodka
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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