I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
