I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
