mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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