On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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