He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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