Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
