Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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