Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
did you just send me my own nude
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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