We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
