what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
