If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
