it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize