My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
