so explain again why im purple
no
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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