i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
