Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
