careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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