I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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