some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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