Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
