im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
