Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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