I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
