doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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