alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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