Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
