boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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