Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
