Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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