So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
