i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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