Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
