Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
