Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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