Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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