friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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