my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
