His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
