whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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