i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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