I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
