Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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