so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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