Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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