Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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