She said her name was "party"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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