he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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