tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize