Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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