We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
