I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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